There’s No Such Thing As Negative Emotions, Only Negative Responses: Clear Steps For Handling Complex Emotions 

There’s no such thing as a “negative emotion”, only un-resourceful ones.

We all deal with stress, sadness, and feelings of loneliness in our lives. Although our society tells us we should never feel “negative” emotions, they are inevitable, like happiness and love are.

When responded to correctly, all emotions can give us context clues as to what is working and not working within our relationships, jobs, and lives overall.

When we try to avoid these “negative” emotions or react in ways that don’t serve our real needs, we add guilt and shame on top of the feeling we’re already struggling with. 

Start By Checking In With Yourself 

The first step towards growth begins with awareness. Sometimes we aren’t aware of the way we cope with un-resourceful emotions. Take a pause during these times, engage in breathwork, the Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) or meditation, and then ask yourself, “what do I really need right now?”

So, think back to moments when you were struggling and remember what you did next. How effective have you been in the past month/week/day at handling your emotions?

Below are some negative coping mechanisms many of us struggle with and what behaviours you can replace them with. 

Reaction: Turning To Food For Comfort

Did you overeat out of sadness, loneliness, or anxiety? 

Many of us use food as a way to calm ourselves down. Often we see this with children, for example, when a child is crying, the first question is, “do you want a cookie?” All children want cookies almost all of the time, so they immediately stop crying. This isn’t to blame parents but to understand that the cycle of reaching for food to comfort or placation follows us into our adulthood. Generally, it’s a reaction that doesn’t serve our true needs. 

Replacement: Journaling or Tapping

We know, you’re thinking, why would I want to journal rather than go to town on a pint of ice cream? We know, but even 1-10 minutes of journaling and EFT can help us reconnect to the deeper parts of ourselves and allow us to check how we feel and what we may need. 

Whilst EFT can help remove cravings, after you journal, you may still want the ice cream, and that’s ok! But a more resourceful reaction may be calling a friend or walking to an ice cream shop rather than standing and eating alone in your kitchen (we’ve been there). 

Reaction: Angry Outbursts

Whether you struggle with outbursts or feel like your fuse has been shorter lately, anger is sometimes a sign of a deeper issue. Anger can be a reaction to feeling powerless, sad, lonely, or any other emotions we don’t want to admit. Anger can feel like a safer emotion but has consequences and is generally unhelpful. Sometimes you really are mad, and that’s fine. Always take a moment to acknowledge your feelings, knowing that everything worth working through requires more than anger. 

Replacement: Movement or EFT

Moving your body is a great way to dissipate anger and calm down. You can do this through any kind of exercise, walking, jumping up and down, or shaking it out. Movement can release pent-up energy and help us connect with our breath. If you’re too mad to move, try taking a deep breath in and releasing it slowly for 10 seconds. EFT can help to dissolve the emotion too, and is a great tool to help dig deeper to better understand why the anger was there in the first place.

Reaction: Isolate Yourself From The World 

When we feel overwhelmed with emotions, some of us isolate ourselves from the outside world. This can come in many forms, but generally, it looks like binge-watching TV or prolonged periods spent on our phones. Isolation happens when we want to shut our brains off because our lives or feelings seem too much to manage. 

Replacement: Nap or EFT

If you are feeling low, depressed, or sad, you may feel really tired or vice versa. Taking time out of your day to rest and reset is always ok. But here’s the trick: no phones, TV, or distractions. If you want to sleep, sleep! But try not to lay in bed and scroll social media. Not only will that not feel restful, but it may also actually add to your anxiety. EFT can also be used to reset your overwhelm and aid your relaxation.

We're never going to feel happiness every minute of every day. But we can work towards understanding and growth through our reactions to big emotions.

Always remind yourself that no matter how low you feel, there’s always a moment of happiness waiting for you just around the corner, and there is a myriad of tools to help you quickly change your emotional state.

Katie xoxo