A note on why saying “I’m fine” can cost more than we realise.What those two words can reveal about self-worth, emotional suppression, and your wellness

This week, someone asked me the question, “How are you?”, and it led me to think about something that so often sits underneath so much of how we move through the world:

Those times we say “I’m fine” even when, deep down, we know we’re really not.

For so many of us, “I’m fine” just comes out without even thinking. It can feel much easier than trying to explain what’s really going on. Easier than being open. Easier than saying we’re tired, overwhelmed, hurt, or just not quite coping the way we wish we were.

But what happens when saying “I’m fine” turns into a regular habit?

Those two little words may quietly undermine our emotional and physical wellness.

It’s not really about the words on their own. It’s more about what happens when “I’m fine” becomes our go-to way of brushing past what’s actually true.

That kind of holding it all in takes so much energy. It’s not just the hard thing you’re carrying, either; it’s the effort of trying to manage it, hide it, and act like everything’s absolutely fine when it really isn’t.

And that can have a much bigger impact on your wellness than you might think.

What it can cost you, and what “I’m fine” may really be saying.

Sometimes “I’m fine” is not just about avoiding a difficult conversation. It can also reflect something deeper going on beneath the surface.

For some people, it can come from not wanting to trouble anyone. For others, it can be tied to a habit of putting everyone else first, minimising their own needs, or to feeling that what they’re going through isn’t important enough to say out loud. It can also be linked to self-worth, and a quiet belief that your feelings are too much, not valid enough, or not deserving of space.

Psychology shows that people often suppress emotions to avoid conflict, rejection, judgement, or feeling like a burden. People who struggle with self-worth can also be more likely to hide how they really feel, especially if they’ve learned that being “easy",  “low maintenance” or coping alone feels safer than being honest.

So when “I’m fine” becomes a pattern, it may sometimes be masking thoughts and feelings like:

• “I don’t want to be a burden.”

• “Other people’s needs matter more than mine.”

• “What I’m feeling probably isn’t important enough.”

• “I need to hold it together.”

• “It’s safer if I don’t let people see what’s really going on.”

Of course, this won’t be true for everyone, and it’s not about pathologising a common phrase. But if “I’m fine” is your automatic answer, it can be worth gently asking yourself what you might be protecting, and what you might be pushing aside at the same time.

Because sometimes, when we keep saying “I’m fine”, we’re not just hiding from other people. We can slowly start disconnecting from ourselves as well.

The thing is, even if we try to push our feelings aside, the body usually still hangs on to them.

You might notice those little signs, things like:

• tight shoulders or jaw tension

• shallow breathing

• poor sleep

• headaches

• digestive discomfort

• feeling flat, wired, or exhausted

And there’s actually science behind that, too. When we keep pushing feelings down, it can leave the body feeling more stressed, so even if we look totally fine on the outside, our nervous system can still be busy carrying a lot in the background.

“I’m fine” can help us avoid discomfort now, but often blocks real progress in wellness over time. And sometimes, when we say “I’m fine”, it can be saying so much more underneath.

Why truth helps

Being honest about how you feel doesn’t mean making a huge drama out of it. It’s really just about being a bit more truthful with yourself and with other people.

And when you do, some really important shifts can start to happen:

• you feel less internal pressure

• your body can soften a little

• you become clearer on what you need

• you open the door to support and connection

Sometimes, even just being honest with yourself and thinking/answering, “Actually, I’m not fine,” can shift something. It can feel like a little exhale. A softening. A moment where you stop trying to hold it all together and just let yourself be where you are.

A small challenge for this week

Next time someone asks how you are, take a moment and a full breath before you answer.

Ask yourself:

• What am I really feeling?

• What would be a kind but honest response?

• What happens in my body when I tell the truth?

You absolutely don’t have to tell everyone everything, though. You’re still allowed your boundaries, and you get to choose what feels safe to share.

But you also don’t have to keep saying “I’m fine” if, really, it’s just become a way of glossing over how you actually feel.

Giving a more honest answer is the first step toward receiving better support and better wellness.

Cheering you on to wellness success,

P.S. This topic is such a big part of why I love EFT so much. It gives us a gentle way to notice what we’re really holding, rather than stuffing it down or brushing it aside. If you’re looking for ongoing support, my Tapping into Wellness membership launches in June. Check the website for more details.

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